This story takes place thirty years after the events of Last
Knight. It presumes that Last Knight took place but that Nick
left Natalie instead of biting her.


No Regrets
part 1/4
by Kathy Whelton
c 1996

Natalie Lambert-Rhys looked about the room and noticed that
the crowd was finally beginning to thin out. As much as she
appreciated everyone's kindness, it had been a long day. She
would be glad for a little privacy and quiet.

There had been a good turnout for the funeral this morning. So
many of Phillip's students, some from years ago, had attended.
He would have been pleased. Phillip was such a good man, but in
a quiet way. It made her happy to know that he had touched so
many lives in such a positive way.

They had had a good twenty-eight years together. Three fine
children, now grown, well almost.  Her youngest was eighteen, a
surprise change of life baby. That was one thing she did feel
badly about, he was at a tough age to lose his father. She wished
that they had had a little more time together. The older two
would be fine, they were adults now, with families of their own.
Her grandchildren were one of the joys of her life--her own
personal slice of immortality.


Natalie had met Phillip almost thirty years ago now. She had gone
back to school, looking for something to fill her now empty
hours. Phillip was a professor teaching a graduate course in
writing at the University. He had just been through a difficult
divorce--neither of them had been looking for any involvements
and somehow they found each other.

She glanced around her living room. Yes, they had done well
together. They had a nice home. This house would be
too big for her soon, once her youngest went off to college. She
had managed to keep up her career, even through those hectic
years when the kids were small. Her work had given her some
measure of peace, even in the last few months when Phillip was so
ill. The morgue had always been a refuge for her, a place for her
to hide when life threatened to become too overwhelming. She
hated the thought of having to give it up. She had not yet
decided whether she would go back to the coroner's office, it
was a decision that she secretly dreaded making.

Maybe it was time to think about retiring, though, perhaps do a
little teaching. That's what Phillip had always wanted her to do.
He had never quite gotten used to her job. She smiled at the
memory. Even after all their years together, Phillip had no
interest in bodies or crime scenes, none at all. Still, there
were one or two things from the old days she just couldn't give
up.

Natalie surveyed the small knot of mourners that remained. A few
people were still drifting in, friends of one of the kids most
likely. She didn't wish to appear rude, but the day had taken
it's toll on her. She had seen everyone that was important to
her, she was really not up to meeting anyone else.

She gathered up a few stray glasses and headed for the 
kitchen, hoping that the remaining guests would take her cue.
She would catch hell from the kids for cleaning up, but
she found over the past few days it helped to keep her
hands busy.

Natalie began rinsing off the dishes in the sink. Yes, she could
say that she had no regrets. The past year had been a long and
difficult one, but even the last year had its hidden rewards. She
and Phillip had grown even closer, if that was possible, knowing
that the time they had remaining was brief. He had met death
as he had done everything, with a quiet dignity that underscored
his immense inner strength.

The din from the living room swelled briefly as the kitchen door
swung open.  She wiped the tears quickly with the back of her
hand.  She wasn't ready to share her grief just yet, it was still
too personal.

"Nat?"

That voice--even after all this time, it was unmistakable.
She spun around. The glass she had been washing
crashed to the floor and shattered.  "Nick?" she somehow
managed.  It amazed her that her voice worked at all.

The sound of the glass breaking brought the conversation in
the next room to an abrupt halt. The door flew open and
Natalie was immediately surrounded by three young adults. A chair
was suddenly produced, seemingly from nowhere, and Natalie was
placed abruptly into it.
   
The stranger standing across the room had gone unnoticed.

"I'm fine." Natalie tried to ignore the sudden pounding in her
chest. She took a slow deep breath and plastered a smile on her
face. "I just dropped a glass, my hands were all wet and it
slipped. Stop fussing, I'm fine."

Natalie stood up. "Kids, this is an old friend of mine,
Nick..er.."

Nick moved to the center of the room, his hand extended. "Parker,
Nick Parker. I think I startled your Mother. I'm an old friend of
hers--we used to work together."

A chestnut haired young woman immediately stepped forward and
shook Nick's hand firmly. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Parker. I'm
Laurel Rhys." She stepped back, scrutinizing Nick closely. "Have
we met?"

Nick struggled to contain his smile.  She had her mother's
lovely eyes and apparently her forthright nature as well. "I
don't believe we have--I'm quite sure I would have remembered
it."

"Laurel, stop scaring the guests." One of the young men held out
his hand to Nick. "I'm Richard, this is my brother, Nicholas.
Please excuse my sister, she's really much friendlier than she
seems to be in person."

"Richard!" Laurel growled at her brother, her face coloring.

Nick chuckled. "Don't worry, I don't frighten that easily."

"Okay, the three of you, out, back to the other guests. Let me
clean up in here and give me a chance to talk to Nick." Natalie
shooed her children toward the door.

"Well, I can see what you've been up to, Nat. They're
wonderful. You must be very proud."

Nick and Natalie bent over to pick up the pieces of broken glass
at the same moment. Natalie looked up and into those blue eyes,
those eyes she had tried for so long to forget.

"Please let me get that," Nick started. "I really didn't mean
to startle you like that. I thought you saw me come in. Sit down,
can I get you something?"

Natalie slid back into the chair. "There's a bottle of Scotch in
that cabinet. You can pour me a drink." Why not? She was
entitled--it wasn't everyday that a vampire walked into your
kitchen, or your life.

Nick handed Natalie the glass. "Nat, I'm so sorry about your
husband."

"How did you know?"

"I still pick up the Toronto papers from time to time. I
noticed his obituary two days ago." He paused. It was better to
get this out right up front. "I've been sort of keeping tabs on
you over the years--your wedding, the children. I hope you don't
mind." Nick ventured with some wariness in his voice.

Natalie wasn't quite sure whether she minded or not. A thin smile
came to her lips. Despite everything, it was awfully good to see
him.

Nick wrapped his cool hands around hers and pressed
them tightly into the glass. He wanted so desperately to
take her into his arms and hold her.  Natalie pulled back
suddenly, nearly sending the glass crashing to the floor once
again.

Nick withdrew, his face crestfallen. "I'm sorry."

"No," Natalie inserted quickly. She placed the glass down on
the table. "I'm sorry. I had forgotten what that felt like--it's
been so long. She threw her arms around his neck and embraced
him. "It is so good to see you."

Nick pressed his face into her hair and inhaled deeply.
How many countless hours had he spent just remembering
the scent of her, dreaming of holding her again like this?

"Do you know, Nicholas Knight, that there isn't a day in the
last thirty years that I haven't thought about you?" Her smile
broadened. "Somedays, I admit, I decided that you had been an
hallucination brought on by too much formaldehyde."

"You've never been out of my thoughts either," Nick said
quietly.

Natalie turned at the sound of the voices from the other room.
"We need to talk, but not here or now. There's too much going
on."

"I'll give you a few days to let things settle down a bit,
then I'll come back." He looked at her closely. "That is, if you
want me to come back?"

"Of course I want to see you. How can I reach you? Where are you
staying?" She tried to quell the uneasy feeling that if she let
him walk out the door, she would never see him again.

"I'll come to you."

She stepped back from him, surprised. "Secrets, Nick?"

"Sorry, I don't mean to sound mysterious." He grinned.
"Force of habit. My current address is somewhat temporary in
nature--an empty warehouse by the lake. Here's my cellphone
number, please call if you need anything, anything at all." He
slid his arms around her. "Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Please take care of yourself." He slipped out the back door and
into the night.

~~~~~~~~

Four nights later Natalie answered the doorbell to find a
slightly disheveled Nick standing on her doorstep. She had
begun to wonder if she had just imagined his appearance
the night of the funeral.

She swung the door open, allowing him to pass. Seeing him
on her doorstep, it still didn't seem possible that this was
really happening. "Come in, Nick."

"I'm afraid I have a bit of a favor to ask." He smiled in
that delightful little boy way. Even after thirty years, he
always seemed to be asking favors of her. "Don't worry, it's an
easy one. I'm afraid my accommodations are a little on the
primitive side. Do you mind if I use your shower?"

"*That* I can handle," Natalie replied. "It's at the top of the
stairs on the right. There should be some clean towels in the
cabinet."

Natalie busied herself with straightening the already pristine
room. The one time you could use a mess to clean, you couldn't
find one.

Nick descended the stairs slowly, taking great care not
to startle her as he had at their last meeting. His hair
was drying in a mass of golden curls. He wore a snug pair of
jeans and a white cotton shirt, casually left open at the collar.
God, she thought to herself, he is a handsome man. Was it
possible that he looked even younger than she remembered? She
quickly ran a hand up to her hair. The last thing she had been
thinking of lately was getting her hair colored and it was
heavily dotted with gray.

Nick stepped quickly to her side. "Nat, you look great."

"I look exactly like what I am--an old lady."

"You look as beautiful to me as you did the night we met."
He could still remember it vividly; her fearlessness, her fire.
All the things he had come to love about her.

"I didn't realize it was my beauty that you were appreciating
that night." An ironic smile stole over her lips.

So she still had her sense of humor as well. Nick returned
the smile. "Well, I have to admit your beauty wasn't the main
thing I was paying attention to," his voice softened. "But I did
notice.  And I still like the whole package, just the way it is."
Nick bent down and kissed her gently on the forehead. He slid his
arms around her and embraced her briefly before releasing her.

Nick surveyed the room, examining the many photographs on the
mantle and the walls. "You have a lovely home and family,
Natalie." He turned to glance at her. "Is it just the three
children?"

"Yes," Natalie replied with an obvious pride in her voice.
"Laurel, Richard and Nicholas to be exact, and two grandchildren,
with a third on the way."

They sat down next to one another on the sofa. Their hands met
across the back of the couch and their fingers intertwined. The
two sat in silence for a while; the years seemed to melt away
between them.

"Have you been happy, Nat?"

Natalie sighed thoughtfully. "Phillip was a wonderful husband and
father. He filled a great void in my life after you left. We came
to love each other very much. Yes, in answer to your question, I
have been very happy. We had a great life together, I'm going to
miss him very much." Natalie felt the tears well up and spill
down her cheeks. She brushed them away impatiently. "I'm sorry,"
she started. "I didn't think I had any tears left."

Nick slid over to her side and wrapped his arm around her.
"There's nothing to be sorry about. Let them come." He ran his
fingers across her face. "None of this being strong stuff, Dr.
Lambert. We know each other a little too well for that."
He held her tightly as she wept.

Nick waited until the tears had passed. "Tell me about your
children."

Natalie sat back and smiled. "Well, let's see, Laurel is the
oldest, she's twenty-seven now." Natalie shook her head. "I can
hardly believe that myself when I think of it.  She, her husband
and  their two kids live about an hour away. Close enough but
not too close. She is the most strong-minded, opinionated,
stubborn individual I've ever met."

"Really, strong-minded and stubborn," Nick echoed. "I
wonder where she gets that?"

"Stop it." She slapped him lightly on the arm. "You're not funny.
Next is Richard, he just graduated from law school this past
spring. Nick, he is so much like my  brother that it's scary."

"Nat..." Nick squeezed her hand even more tightly.

"It's okay, Nick. I never think about that part anymore. I've
made what peace I can with it. I only remember the good things
about him. Anyway, Richard and his wife are expecting their first
child around Christmas. And then there is Nicholas. Nicholas is
eighteen and headed for McGill in the fall." Natalie laughed.
"My son Nicholas was the second biggest surprise of my life--
I just couldn't resist the name.  I was forty-three when he came
along. I thought we were done, but he's been the joy of my life."

"Did you ever tell Phillip about me?" Nick asked quietly.

"No, I never did." She paused thoughtfully. "Not that I didn't
 want to. In fact, it nearly drove me crazy at first," Natalie
smiled, "but I didn't feel like getting hauled away one day by
the little men in white coats." Natalie continued, a more serious
look on her face. "As much as I loved Phillip, I have to admit
he was one of the most practical individuals I've ever met.
I'm really not sure he would have believed me.  I also wasn't
sure how closely or for how long I might be watched. I didn't
want to drag Phillip into it." Natalie looked over at Nick,
curious as to his reaction. She had spent a lot of time after he
left waiting, wondering if they would come for her. Strangely
enough, even with another thirty years as a coroner, she never
again saw the slightest indication that vampires actually
existed.

"You were probably wise to be cautious. Although I think by
the time we left, the Community in Toronto had pretty much
disappeared."
   
Nick's mind floated back to that night, now thirty years
past.

     "I'm leaving here tonight."
     "Not without me."
     "I'm leaving because of you. You don't want my love,
it will destroy you."
     "I'm not afraid. I love you. I trust you."
     "I will not live a life of eternal pain. I will not. I am
leaving."


"Was I wrong to make that decision for the both of us, Nat?" Nick
wondered aloud.

"I don't know the answer to that question, Nick," Natalie
answered. "I resented it for a long time, but now I just don't
know."

A thoughtful silence fell between them.

Natalie started, "You haven't said a word about yourself.
What have you been up to?"

"There really isn't much to tell."

"Now why do I find that a little hard to believe?" Natalie
prodded.

"When we left here we went to Europe, traveled around 
quite a bit. Finally we settled in Paris for a while." Nick took
a deep breath and continued. "Janette was living there. She
wasn't too happy to see me at first, but eventually she became
an important part of my life again."

Natalie listened without comment for a while. She tried to
ignore the little twinges of jealousy she was feeling.  "And
now?"

"I'm living in Boston. Teaching some courses at Boston
University--Western Civilization and World History," he shrugged,
"not much of a stretch."

"I'm almost afraid to ask," Natalie ventured.

"LaCroix? He's in Boston too. We had sorted a lot of
things out, even before we left Toronto. I'm sure you never
thought you would hear me say this, but it really hasn't
been so bad."

He seemed so...resigned.  He had apparently given up everything
that they had once dreamed about, his quest for mortality,
freedom from LaCroix.  She realized for the first time how high a
price he had paid for leaving that night. It was something she
had not considered in all these years.

They were interrupted by the sounds of Nicholas Rhys
and several friends entering through the front door. They
stopped briefly before heading upstairs. 

"This house is going to seem awfully empty when he leaves
for college in a few weeks," Natalie reflected. "That's going to
take a lot of getting used to."

"Maybe it doesn't have to be so empty," Nick paused. He had
not really planned on bringing this up quite so soon, but
maybe it was best not to leave too much unsaid. They had
made that particular mistake far too often in the past. "Nat,
what would you say if I told you I was thinking of coming back to
Toronto?"

Natalie sat in stunned silence. She had gone over what they
might say to one another a thousand times in the past four days.
This was totally unexpected.

"Of course, I don't mean literally into your house." Nick
grinned. "Nat, I've missed you. I've missed our friendship
more than you could know. I would like for us to try and get
that back if possible."

"Don't you mean *we* Nick? What about Janette and LaCroix?
I am not interested in the family plan, Nick. I can't risk it
these days. I have children and grandchildren who are in and out
of here all the time. I can't afford to have LaCroix showing up
on my doorstep." Did she even want him back? His leaving was one
of the most painful events in her life. Before she met Phillip,
there were many days when she felt she would never recover.
Opening herself to that heartache again was not something she was
all that eager to do.

"That's not going to happen, Nat. I would never jeopardize
you or your family--you know that." Nick slid his hand into
hers once again. She would've known that once, but perhaps he was
asking too much this time. How could he even think of popping
back into her life after thirty years and expect the trust to
still be there, unwavering, as it always was?
 
Nick stood to take his leave. "I'm heading back to Boston
tonight. I don't expect an answer any time soon, just please
give my idea some thought. I will be in touch." Nick reached
over and embraced Natalie. "Whatever you decide, I hope  that we
can still be friends."

He was gone before she could reply. Natalie sat down and
looked around at the memories of her life. She had a lot to think
about.

~~~~~

Nick stood on the balcony of his Back Bay townhouse and
looked out over the Charles River and beyond to the lights of
MIT and the city of Cambridge. Life had been good here. He 
was settled with a studio for his painting.  He enjoyed teaching
again. So why was he moving back to Toronto? There was risk
involved, there were still people around who would remember
Nick Knight and his unexplained departure from the police force
and the city. The incredible advances in technology over the
past decade or so was making the anonymity the vampire community
depended on more and more difficult to achieve. Was it possible
for him to recapture what he had left behind thirty years ago? Should
he even try?

Behind him, he felt a displacement of air and the vibrations
that only accompanied the presence of his master. Nick spoke
without turning around. "I'm leaving."

"I know."

"I'm going back to Toronto." There was little point in
trying to hide it. If LaCroix did object to his plans, he needed
to know now.

"Do you think that is wise, Nicholas?"

"I don't know, probably not. I just feel like something is
missing and has been for awhile. I want to at least try and get
it back." Nick turned and faced LaCroix before continuing.
"What I need from you is your assurance that you won't
interfere." Nick looked into the eyes of his long time adversary.
The last thirty years were some of the most peaceful they 
had ever shared. Was it truly because things had changed
between them, or was it merely that LaCroix had felt he had
finally won?

"Nicholas, I told you a long time ago that you were free to
do as you like in regards to the good doctor. It was your
decision to move on."

"I felt that she deserved a chance for a life that I could
never give her," Nick stated simply.

"And now?"

"Things have changed for her. Her husband has died, her
children have grown. Maybe there is a place for me in her life
again."

"Do in this as you will, Nicholas. I have all the time in the
world for you to come back to me. Dr. Lambert, I fear, does
not."

He was gone as suddenly as he had come.


~~~~~~~~~

Natalie Lambert-Rhys arrived home to find her living room
in an uproar. Nick was on the floor roughhousing with her
two young grandsons while her daughter looked on from the
sidelines. Daniel, aged five, was perched on Nick's back while
Michael, three, prodded at him with the handle of a broomstick.

"Roar like a dragon again," Daniel yelled. "Roar like
 a dragon."

"Yes, by all means Nick," Natalie chuckled. "Roar like a dragon."

"Okay guys," Nick said, grinning sheepishly. "I guess that's
about enough of 'slay the dragon.' Let's go check out the cookie
situation in the kitchen. I think your mother and grandmother
want to talk."

"Will you tell us another story Nick?"

"Another story? You guys are wearing me out," Nick complained
with a definite gleam in his eye. "Well, maybe one more."

"The Disney version, Nick," Natalie called out at the 
departing figures.

After the boys had left Laurel began. "Mother, I just can't
believe this. Dad has barely been gone a month and this Nick
person seems to be here all the time." It was the second time
this week she had come 'home' only to find that her mother
already had company--him.

"I told you and your brothers Nick is an old friend and 
nothing else." Natalie tried to assume a casual tone that she
didn't quite feel herself. It had been rather difficult to 
concoct this mysterious friendship out of the blue. The math
just didn't add up, and she knew it. "We enjoy each others
company, period. It helps me not to be alone all the time."

"He's an old friend that none of us had ever heard of before?
Mother, you are making a fool of yourself. He can't be more than
thirty-five years old. What interest could he possibly have in
you?" Laurel met her mother's eyes squarely. She had no desire to
hurt her mother, but it was obvious that this situation was
headed for disaster. "Except maybe your money."

Natalie tried to keep her temper as she listened to her
eldest child's diatribe. She knew what she was hearing was grief
for her father's death and concern for her. Natalie took several
slow deep breaths before she began. "Laurel, I know you loved
your Dad and you miss him. I loved him and miss him more than you
can imagine. But I have to ask you to trust me in this. Nick
is an old friend,and he's just trying to help me through a very
difficult time. I hope you can understand this and accept it
because I need him right now. I don't want this to be the cause
of hard feelings between us."

Natalie put her arms around her daughter and held her tight.
The tears streamed silently down Laurel's face.

"I'm sorry Mom, I just miss Dad so much. I don't mean to
give you a hard time. I worry about you--you are just so
vulnerable right now."

Natalie wiped the tears from her daughter's face. It was
so hard to see the pain in those eyes, harder to know that
she was the cause of her daughter's distress.

"Please, I know this is hard. Just try to believe that I know
what I am doing."

Laurel nodded her assent and went into the kitchen to collect
her children. She had to admit that Nick had a way with her
kids He had them engaged in some wild tale and she had
to practically drag them out the door.

"The kids think you're great," commented Natalie.

"Now, if I can only win over their mother, I'll be all set. I
couldn't help but overhear. Perhaps I should send her my bank
statements." Nick smiled. "Nat, the last thing I want to do is
drive a wedge between you and your children." He slid his arm
around her shoulder. "If this is going to be a problem, you
need to let me know."

"They're just going to have to get used to you. I can't live
my life according to their expectations of what their old 
mother should or should not be doing. I don't want to hurt
them, but I'm not going to live my life for them either."
                 

~~~~~

Nick arrived at Natalie's home a few evenings later in a new,
late model sports car. "I decided to throw caution to the wind
and not worry about the trunk space this time.  Nat, let's go
out. I'm worried about you. I know you haven't been eating or
sleeping. Maybe a change of scenery would do you some good.

Natalie had to admit he was right. She had little appetite
since Phillip's death, she really should be taking better care of
herself. Perhaps going out would help.

They drove along in a comfortable silence to a small quiet
restaurant nearby. It was one she had frequented regularly with
Phillip before he had become ill. They asked for and were 
seated at a secluded table in the rear. Natalie noticed several
neighborhood acquaintances among their fellow patrons.

Natalie was finding that being out was having the opposite
effect than she had hoped for. Away from the protective
cocoon of her home she was feeling weary and uncomfortable.

"Nat, what's wrong?" Nick reached across the table and took
her hand. "I know something's not right when I'm eating
more than you." They both glanced at her plate which had gone
untouched.

Natalie found herself looking around the room and withdrew
her hand from his. "I'm sorry, I just can't get over the feeling
that everyone is watching us--that they are wondering who the
old broad is holding hands with the cute guy."

"Natalie," Nick sighed and leaned forward, speaking to her
gently. "No one is looking at us, and what if they were? I don't
care what anyone thinks," he paused. "But I'm sorry if it bothers
you. Unfortunately, this problem isn't going to go away."

Nick sat back and looked at her. He had no desire to cause
her any more pain. He had hoped that his being here would be a
support for her, a positive in her life. Perhaps he had been
mistaken, the conflicts with her children, her concerns about
the apparent discrepancy in their ages. Maybe once again the
negatives would outweigh the positives for her.

"Maybe it would be better if I left, better for you, I mean,"
Nick volunteered softly.

"No," Natalie stated more quickly than she intended. He had only
been back in her world a few weeks and already she was having
trouble picturing her life without him in it. "I don't want you
to go. But what I would like, at least for tonight, is to go
home, maybe stop at a video store and rent a movie like we used
to."

"Sounds like a deal to me" Nick replied. He casually tossed
a rather generous sum on the table and stood to go.

~~~~~


"That was good. I never thought I would laugh that hard 
again," confessed Natalie. For two short hours she had been
transported, her pain all too briefly forgotten. Phillip had been
a voracious reader--she had lost the video habit somewhere
along the way. She glanced over at Nick as his eyes scanned
the credits. Their mutual fondness for old movies had helped
to cement their friendship.  It had provided a bridge for them
in those early, awkward months of their relationship when
they couldn't quite figure out how to behave with one
another.

Nick easily slid an arm around her shoulders. "A penny for
your thoughts."

"Oh, I was just thinking about the old days. How much
time we used to spend like this," Natalie replied.

"Do you regret it, the time we spent together, I mean?"

"There was a period, I have to admit, when I cursed the
moment I ever laid eyes on you." Natalie managed a small grin.
"But it didn't last long." She touched him lightly on the cheek.
"It was worth it, even ending as badly as it did." Natalie
settled herself against him. "You know Nick, since you have been
back you have not said the words cure or mortality once to me. I
don't want to pressure you if it's no longer something you want,
but I do think it is something we should talk about." It was
certainly a whole lot easier than talking about the feelings they
once had for each other. At least the feelings she had once had.

"I didn't want you to think that was all I was here for, Nat,
because it is not. It is something that I've put on the back
burner for a long time now, but regaining my mortality is
something that I still want very much."

"I've never really stopped working on it," Natalie admitted.
"I don't know why. I never really expected to see you again
and it's not everyday that a vampire turns up looking to be
cured. I have come up with some pretty promising leads over
the past thirty years, give me a little time to sort through my
files and we can get to work."

Nick reached down and slowly kissed the back of Natalie's
hand. "And when you're ready," Nick started gently. "I want you
to let me know. It seems that I've managed to learn a thing or
two in the last thirty years as well."



The End
Comments welcome
Kathy 103045.2473@Compuserve.com