I'm quite certain that in a saner moment I'll regret posting this. So please take that into account, and be kind. This bit of nonsense was inspired by somewhat hazy memories of those first-grade primers featuring Dick and Jane, whose adventures helped so many of us learn to read. (And let's not forget about good old Spot!) It assumes knowledge of various Forever Knight episodes, specifically: Queen of Harps, Last Act, Dance by the Light of the Moon, Near Death, Fallen Idol, Love You to Death, Only the Lonely, Dark Knight II, Killer Instinct, Be My Valentine, Crazy Love, and Close Call. Disclaimer: The Forever Knight characters belong to Sony and the rest of TPTB, not to me. I'm merely mangling them here for my own insane pleasure and will give them back as soon as I'm done. Permission is granted to archive at Mel's FK fanfic site and Michael's ftp site. In the unlikely event anyone else is interested, by all means ask. Now here we go. Just remember, I warned you ... A Forever Knight Primer (Seasons One and Two) By Cindy Ingram See Nick. See Nick ride the horse. See Nick ride the horse to Wales. See Gwynneth. See the harp. Gwynneth can play the harp. See Nick. See Nick with Gwynneth. See Nick and Gwynneth kiss. See Nick smile. See the man. The man is bad. See the man chase Gwynneth. Run, Gwynneth, run! See Gwynneth. Gwynneth had to go away. Gwynneth didn't want to go away. (Gwynneth should have run faster.) See Nick. See Nick cry. Poor Nick! Poor Gwynneth! +++++++ See Nick. See Nick ride the horse. See Nick ride the horse to the Crusades. See Nick. Nick can fight. See Nick fight and fight and fight! Uh-oh. See Nick. See Nick in chains. (Nick should have fought harder.) +++++++ See Nick. See Nick ride the horse. See Nick ride the horse to France. See Nick. Nick can drink. Nick can drink and laugh with friends. See Nick drink and drink and drink! See Janette. Nick likes Janette. Janette likes Nick. See Nick and Janette play. See Nick and Janette have lots of fun. Play, Nick, play! See Janette leave. See Nick frown. Come back, Janette, come back! Here comes Janette. See Nick smile. Here comes LaCroix. He wants to play, too. Uh-oh! +++++++ See Nick. See Nick walk. See Nick walking in the desert. Nice nightie, Nick! See the light. See Nick turn away from the light. See LaCroix smile. +++++++ See Nick. See Nick in the Pit of Bimbos. See Nick bite. See Nick bite and bite and bite. Bite, Nick, bite! Ooooh, Nick!!! +++++++ See Nick. See Nick kill. See Nick kill and kill and kill and kill and kill and ... (Well, you get the idea.) Bad, Nick, bad! +++++++ See Nick. See Nick angst. See Nick kill and angst. See Nick kill and angst some more. Poor Nick! See Sylvaine. Sylvaine can dance. Nick likes Sylvaine. (But he doesn't really know her.) Sylvaine likes Nick. See the men. See the men leave Sylvaine's room. See Nick get really mad. Run, Sylvaine, run! See Sylvaine. Sylvaine had to go away. Sylvaine didn't want to go away. (Sylvaine should have run.) Bad, Nick, bad! See Nick. See Nick cry. Poor Nick! Poor Sylvaine! See LaCroix. See LaCroix laugh. Mean, LaCroix, mean! See Nick. Nick can run. See Nick run from LaCroix. Run, Nick, run! +++++++ See Nick. Nick can fly. Nick doesn't want to fly anymore. Nick wants to walk in the sun without burning up. Nick wants to grow old and die. Why, Nick, why? +++++++ See Nick. Nick can catch. See Nick catch the pipe bomb. See Nick go kaboom! Ick. What a mess. See Natalie. See Natalie with Nick. See Nick sit up. Look out, Natalie! See Nick. See Nick drink blood. See the blood dribble down his chin. Nick needs better table manners. +++++++ See Natalie. See Natalie walk. See Natalie walk by Nick. See Natalie stop. No, Natalie, don't stop! Too late. +++++++ See Nick. See Natalie. See Nick and Natalie talk. Nick likes Natalie. Natalie likes Nick. Nick has a new friend. Hurray, Nick! Hurray, Natalie! +++++++ See Nick. Nick has a badge. Nick has a Caddy, too. He can drive. Drive, Nick, drive! See Nick. Nick has a partner. His name is Schanke. Schanke likes souvlaki. Eat, Schanke, eat! +++++++ See LaCroix. LaCroix can talk. (Boy, can he talk!) Hear LaCroix talk on the radio. See Nick. See Nick get mad. See Nick pick up a flaming stake. Run, LaCroix, run! Uh-oh! (LaCroix didn't run.) See LaCroix burn. +++++++ See Nick. See Nick catch crooks. Go, Nick, go! See Nick. See Nick drink blood. Angst, Nick, angst! See Natalie. See Natalie make Nick a protein shake. Run, Nick, run! +++++++ See Nick. See Nick in jail. See Nick in jail for murder. See Nick. See Nick escape. Hide, Nick, hide! See LaCroix. LaCroix isn't dead. (Technically speaking, that is.) Boy, is Nick ever pissed off. Go away, LaCroix! (But he's much too old and powerful to go away.) +++++++ See Nick. See Natalie. See Nick and Natalie kiss. At last! Go, Nick! Go, Natalie! See LaCroix. See LaCroix watch Nick and Natalie. See LaCroix watch Nick and Natalie kiss. Boy, is LaCroix ever pissed off. Watch out, Natalie! See LaCroix. See Natalie. See LaCroix and Natalie at Azure. Uh-oh! See Nick fly to the rescue. See Natalie develop vampire-induced amnesia. Poor Natalie! Poor Nick! Bad, LaCroix, bad! +++++++ See Nick. See Nick angst. See Nick angst and angst and angst and angst and angst and ... (Well, you know the drill.) +++++++ See Nick. See Nick visit Janette. See Nick and Janette kiss. See Nick and Janette kiss and ... Um ... never mind. (Naughty, Nick, naughty!) +++++++ See Nick. See Nick and Schanke in the alley. See Nick save Schanke. Fly, Nick, fly! Don't look, Schanke! Uh-oh. Too late. See Nick whammy Schanke. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Forget, Schanke, forget! See Schanke. See Schanke get a klew. (Schanke can put two and two together, believe it or not.) Add, Schanke, add! See Schanke. See Schanke visit LaCroix. Careful, Don! See Schanke forget how to add. See Schanke wash the car instead. Thanks, LaCroix! (Now go away.) +++++++ See Nick. See Nick sleep. Nick can dream. Dream, Nick, dream! See Nick dream about walking in the sun. See Nick dream about walking in the sun with Natalie. See Nick dream about kissing Natalie. See Nick dream about kissing Natalie as they ... Um ... never mind. See Nick smile in his sleep. Sweet dreams, Nick! ------- FINIS Comments eagerly awaited at cgi271@airmail.net Cindy Ingram My FK fiction page: www.pioneerplanet.infi.net/~nancykam/newfic.html What's another word for thesaurus? ("Say good Knight, Gracie." - G. Burns.)